Dear Sir,

Indulge me for a moment and let me write this letter as if it is you, The Actual Robbie Williams, who will read it as opposed to just them, The People of Robbie Williams. It is with this assumption that I say firstly, hello, and secondly, what the heck are you letting these people do to you Twitter account???

I'm sure your days and nights are filled with a billion star-studded things that are way more on your mind than what your marketing people are doing on your behalf. I mean, they've been employed to do a job, it's only right you should trust them to do it. I'm sure they're very good at some bits of music marketing, perhaps the traditional bits are where they excel, but I gotta tell you *whispers* they could do with a bit of help to get t'internet really working for you.

Let's just have a look at your Twitter account as an example. You see, the clue to this social media malarky is in the name; it's social. That means two-way, you talk, we talk, sometimes (and I know this is a big step into the great unknown) we might even talk together. And because all this talk is part of a conversation there needs to be some listening too.

The @robbiewilliams account is verified by Twitter so we know it's really you. But it's not you is it? It is the marketing / PR / label. The People of Robbie Williams have annexed that little bit of online space and are steadfastly using it to blast hype messages at us while taking no incoming hits. This seems a little bit of a shame to me. We're missing out and I think you're missing out too. Plus I think it is really pushing verification to the limits and taking a bit away from other verified accounts. Not your fault personally but there you have it.

From your side I know that the 68,000 plus followers the account has will look great as part of a PowerPoint in the boardroom and that you can't possibly reply to every girl who wants to tweet you how you have her heart etc etc etc. I get all that, really I do.

I know, I make a big assumption here, speaking on behalf of the 68,000 presumably predominantly weak-kneed girlies, but for me I'm thinking that knowing what interview you're doing and release dates and such is nice but it's such small part of what's going on. And it doesn't really tell us anything about those things that we couldn't find out from a cold, corporate dead drop anyway. How are you feeling about things??? You can tell us, we're on your side.

Unless you're in the habit of sharing too much, saying things which in someway are defamatory or libelous, things that make your record label want to kick your ass or incite your actual friends and family to tell you to jog on there's no real reason for you not to give it a go. There are loads of other 'slebs having a fabulous time on the old Twitter...

On a personal level I'd be grateful if you could tweet just one tweet that I could believe was written by you and get The People of Robbie Williams to start following some accounts back (don't have to be us, the great unwashed but it's kinda rude and missing the point to be all take and no give). I'd be grateful because although I've been loosely encouraged into this escapade I've got a whole load of other plates I'm spinning. So you write that tweet and I'll be set free - not a bad deal really seeing as I've been sending you incessant good vibes (as have my girls) for the last 18 years or so (yes, that makes me old enough to know better and young enough not to care).

I hope this note finds you generally in good health and you remembered to pop your clocks forward today if you're in good ole Blighty.

Yours,
The Memory Girl.

PS I'd say get your people to talk to my people but as I don't have any I don't have any they'll just have to talk to me! If The People of Robbie Williams want to talk they've already found me on Facebook and I'll happily have a little chinwag with them about digital strategy (this is afterall not only my playground but my workplace too. I'll happily help out as a favour to you).