Two hearts

"I know, I dealt with this years ago. I took a hammer to every momento, but image on image like beads on a rosary move through my head as the music takes hold. And the second it hits, I can work till I break but I love the bones of you, that I will never escape."

Is it even possible to have two hearts? I'm not Doctor Who. But I think I have two hearts.  It feels more and more like I might...

Feels like I might be about to make a big decision. Like doing might be wrong. Not doing might be wronger. So two hearts. Have it both ways. Greedy. Selfish. Two hearts.

I can't make this choice. Maybe I don't have to. Maybe it will just happen. Maybe it will just *be*... perhaps my hearts will lead and my head will follow and tomorrow will be a simpler, sunnier day.

So many what ifs and maybes. So many chances for regrets and could of beens to seep around the edges of my thoughts and make it all sticky and unyielding. Binding me to turning it over. And over. And over. And over.

Getting nowhere. Listening to the messed up rhythm of my two hearts beating out of sync. With each other. With me. With everything. 

But still beating, both of them. Maybe that is enough in itself. I guess that's something.