Find a way, to do what we've done

And then out of nowhere, rejection. Rejection of an offer I hadn't even made. An offer I'd skirted around in my own thoughts nevermind voiced out loud.
Perhaps it was because I was thinking about thinking about it that it seeped out without my knowing and the rejection is less of a rejection and more an attempt to stop something that hasn't happened yet.
So over the shock and the initial confusion why do I even care? Why have I devoted time to being annoyed at the rejection and now moved onto expending energy on deliberatly not thinking about it???
Do I care that I've been refused something I was pretty much decided I didn't want? Or is it more the hyperthetical; that were I to want it and offer I would be refused??? The latter seems more like a me-feeling.
I thought this was all decided. I thought we were starting to move forward instead of constantly agonising over an injured past. We'd decided on a future. Agreed. Course set.
Can I still go on that journey while I feel annoyed and hurt about the rejection of an offer not made? Should I feel better about moving forward without that question hanging over us? Is it just another part of clearing the decks and starting from now with nothing left unsaid? Is having every question answered really going to help at all?
I can't plan this any more. I can't make decisions. Too many unexpected moments throwing me.
I need to let the annoyance pass...I need to rest a while. Then just take it as it comes and call a halt when it stops being fun.